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When Your Husband Says He “Loves” The Other Woman

As if discovering your husband has had or is having an affair isn’t bad enough, it often happens – very often happens – that an unfaithful husband will say that he “loves” the other woman.

Does he really love her?  Who knows. 

What I do know is that your knee-jerk response as his wife – “It’s her or me, you have to choose!” – will get you nowhere fast.

Here’s something else I know.  Many unfaithful spouses, whether a husband or a wife, would prefer to keep the status quo.  That is, they would prefer to stay married and to continue with the affair.  That makes life easier for them.

The power of love…

One way they can do this – or at least buy time – is to say that they love (or think they love) their affair partner.  After all, love is a justification for any kind of behavior or betrayal, right?  Of course not.

But does he love her?  Who knows.  What I do know is that allowing the affair to continue while he “decides” which one of you he wants to be with will chip away at your dignity and well-being while doing absolutely nothing to motivate him to actually make a decision.

I’ve worked with betrayed spouses for years.  More specifically, I’ve worked with betrayed spouses whose partners are refusing to end an affair, often because they claim to “love” the other person. Yes, it’s a complicated issue, particularly if the marriage has deeper or long-standing problems.

Only one woman matters – you!

Yet you, the betrayed wife, must get it through your head that YOU are the only woman who matters.  It is possible to reconnect with your spouse, if that’s what you really want, and it is also possible to have a better, more mature marriage moving forward; however, it may require approaching this confusing and complicated situation from some new angles.


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Debra Macleod, BA, JD, offers a professional and proven alternative to marriage counseling and has served as an expert resource for major media around the world, from The New York Times to Women’s Health Magazine.  

Visit the HOMEPAGE or READ REVIEWS of her Marriage SOS™ resources and save your marriage, starting today.


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