While all affairs are heartbreaking, there is one type of affair that can be particularly devastating for a wife – the kind that involves her husband having an affair with a younger woman. As a marriage author and conflict specialist whose practice primarily focuses on affairs, I can tell you that I’ve often heard that edge of desperation in a woman’s voice: “My 45 year old husband is having an affair with a 24 year old co-worker. Help!”
Talk about adding insult to injury.
We already live in a world where a woman’s worth is often falsely and unfairly determined by two things: her attractiveness and her age; however, when it hits home in the form of a husband’s midlife crisis related affair, it’s even worse. The sense of shock and betrayal is compounded by a common fear: “How can I possibly compete with HER?”
It’s a situation that can take a heavy toll on a woman’s sense of identity and self-worth. It can also lead to a loss of power, both in the marriage and in her life in a larger sense.
Your age is NOT a disadvantage.
A wife who discovers her midlife husband’s affair with a younger woman may feel she’s at a disadvantage because of her age. That may lead her to think that only her husband has the power to decide whether or not the marriage continues. It may lead her to think that her happiness and future hinge on his choice – will he choose her or his younger girlfriend?
To make matters worse, a man who is doing this kind of thing is very good at clouding the waters with such things as blame and mixed messages. It can be hard to see what’s really happening and that confusion also contributes to a feeling of powerlessness.
Don’t be fooled – you CAN take your power back.
If this is happening to you, take heart. There are ways to take your power back. Your personal power – that is, a sense of control over your own life, marriage and future. Your future is NOT dependent on his, and that realization is often the first step toward a better life, whether it’s a life with or without him.
To be sure, there are ways to “win back” your husband, if that’s what you want to do. There are no guarantees of course, but there are “do’s and don’ts” that increase the chances of that happening. That’s what my unique online program Conquer His Midlife Crisis // Strategies for Wives (and its companion, Getting Through the Day // Stay Strong, Smart and Focused) is all about. I encourage you to click through and listen to the audio intros of each.
How to “win” him back…if that’s what YOU want.
In Conquer His Midlife Crisis I’ll tell you what behavior on your part is most likely, and least likely, to keep your marriage together and to make it a marriage that is worth keeping together! The insights and strategies I offer are based on actual cases and feedback from wives (and husbands) who have gone through this. It isn’t about theory or empty words of comfort, it’s about what works in a practical sense.
My goal, among others, is to put you, as a wife and woman, in the driver’s seat of your own life. Self-determination is key and you cannot let the fear of losing him to a younger woman take that from you. Not only will that affect your well-being, it will sabotage your efforts to regain his love, respect and devotion.
You can’t take what’s happening lying down. Get up and get the help you need. Don’t allow his behavior to define you or your life. In the end, it doesn’t matter whether your husband’s affair is with a younger, older or same age woman. What matters is YOU. You have more power than you think you do and my courses can help you both realize and utilize that power to your own benefit.
Surprise yourself…and your husband.
You may be very surprised by the results. In turn, your husband may be very surprised by you. That’s a good thing. Because the more surprised he is by you and how you are handling his behavior, the more he may realize what he really stands to lose.