When most people imagine a scenario involving a “cheating spouse” being caught having an emotional or sexual affair, they assume said cheating spouse will react apologetically. “I’m so sorry! It meant nothing, you’re the one I love and want to be with! I’ll do whatever it takes to fix this!” There is also an assumption… Read More
Did Your Marriage Fall Prey to a Spouse Poacher?
When dealing with infidelity, it’s useful to know who initiated the extramarital relationship. Was it the unfaithful spouse or the other woman/other man? Here, I want to talk about the latter case: where the other woman/other man pursued the married person.It’s a sobering thought, but the unhappy fact is that an otherwise loving and devoted… Read More
A Checklist of Factors that Contribute to Cheating – How Many Does Your Relationship Have?
Over my years working with spouses who are facing an infidelity in their marriage, I’ve come to realize that there are a number of factors that are common to many, if not most, cheating situations. Read through this list, and see how many factors you check off (none, I hope!):• One or both of you… Read More
Affair Recovery – “What If My Unfaithful Spouse Shows No Remorse?”
If you’re facing a spouse’s affair or indiscretion, you may be just as shocked by your husband or wife’s apparent lack of remorse over the whole thing as you are by his or her actual breach of trust.Well, you’re not alone.As someone who specializes in infidelity, I can tell you that it is fairly common… Read More
Should I End My Marriage or End My Affair?
An unfaithful spouse is an easy target to demonize. That’s why so many spouses who have strayed from their marriage find it a challenge to track down non-moralizing help when trying to answer an incredibly important question: Should I end my marriage or end my affair? The fact is, regardless of how much hurt and… Read More
Micro-Cheating, Entanglements, and Infidelity
The first time I heard the word entanglement being tossed around the internet, I was encouraged – I thought the buzz was drawing attention to seal entanglements, an ocean life crisis where seals (and many other species that swim the oceans) suffer horrible entanglements in fishing line and trash. I soon learned the context, though—entanglement… Read More
When Your Husband Says He “Loves” The Other Woman
As if discovering your husband has had or is having an affair isn’t bad enough, it often happens – very often happens – that an unfaithful husband will say that he “loves” the other woman. Does he really love her? Who knows. What I do know is that your knee-jerk response as his wife –… Read More
How to Stop Obsessing Over Your Husband’s Affair
If your husband has been – or is being – unfaithful, or if he’s showing less love and commitment to you than he used to, it’s very likely you’ve heard words along these lines come out of your mouth: “I can’t stop thinking about my husband’s affair.” “I can’t stop picturing my husband with the… Read More
Beyond the Affair – “Can I Ever Trust My Spouse Again?”
It’s a question every betrayed spouse will ask at some point – “Can I ever trust him (or her) again?” It’s a reasonable and yet unanswerable question. The truth is, a person who has had an affair has proven themselves to be deceptive at least once. It is reasonable to wonder whether they can be… Read More
Marriage Counseling for Affairs: Can it Make a Bad Situation Even Worse?
It happens every day: a spouse discovers their husband or wife is having an affair and starts Googling marriage counselors. They assume that if they can get (or persuade, or threaten, or force) their unfaithful spouse to attend couples counseling, everything will be better – their partner will become more honest, cooperative, committed and remorseful… Read More
What Are the “First Five” After an Affair?
Many things have to happen in order for a marriage to overcome an affair or episode of broken trust. It can be a long, confusing and painful experience. There will be days that you feel hopeful, and nights that are full of doubt. It is rarely a straight path, and there is no guarantee it… Read More
My Husband “Can’t Decide” Between Me and His Mistress
I hear this kind of thing all the time: “We’ve been married for fifteen years, but I recently discovered my husband is having an affair with our daughter’s swim coach. He thinks he loves her. When I asked him to end the affair, he refused and said he “couldn’t decide” which one of us he… Read More