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Extramarital Affairs

When an Unfaithful Spouse Refuses to End Their Affair

cheating spouse unhappy couple on bed

When most people imagine a scenario involving a “cheating spouse” being caught having an emotional or sexual affair, they assume said cheating spouse will react apologetically.  “I’m so sorry!  It meant nothing, you’re the one I love and want to be with!  I’ll do whatever it takes to fix this!” There is also an assumption… Read More

Did Your Marriage Fall Prey to a Spouse Poacher?

cheating woman

When dealing with infidelity, it’s useful to know who initiated the extramarital relationship.  Was it the unfaithful spouse or the other woman/other man?  Here, I want to talk about the latter case: where the other woman/other man pursued the married person. It’s a sobering thought, but the unhappy fact is that an otherwise loving and… Read More

A Checklist of Factors that Contribute to Cheating – How Many Does Your Relationship Have?

woman with arms around man

Over my years working with spouses who are facing an infidelity in their marriage, I’ve come to realize that there are a number of factors that are common to many, if not most, cheating situations.  Read through this list, and see how many factors you check off (none, I hope!): •  One or both of… Read More

Affair Recovery – “What If My Unfaithful Spouse Shows No Remorse?”

If you’re facing a spouse’s affair or indiscretion, you may be just as shocked by your husband or wife’s apparent lack of remorse over the whole thing as you are by his or her actual breach of trust. Well, you’re not alone. As someone who specializes in infidelity, I can tell you that it is… Read More

When An Unfaithful Husband Says He “Loves” His Affair Partner

As if discovering your husband has had or is having an affair isn’t bad enough, it often happens – very often happens – that an unfaithful husband will say that he “loves” the other woman. Does he really love her?  Who knows.  What I do know is that your knee-jerk response as his wife –… Read More

Should I End My Marriage or End My Affair?

An unfaithful spouse is an easy target to demonize. That’s why so many spouses who have strayed from their marriage find it a challenge to track down non-moralizing help when trying to answer an incredibly important question: Should I end my marriage or end my affair? The fact is, regardless of how much hurt and… Read More

Beyond the Affair – “Can I Ever Trust Him Again?”

man looking at phone in secret

It’s a question every betrayed spouse will ask at some point – “Can I ever trust him (or her) again?”  It’s a reasonable and yet unanswerable question.  The truth is, a person who has had an affair has proven themselves to be deceptive at least once.  It is reasonable to wonder whether they can be… Read More

Marriage Counseling for Affairs: Making a Bad Situation Even Worse

marriage counseling

It happens every day: a spouse discovers their husband or wife is having an affair and starts Googling marriage counselors. They assume that if they can get (or persuade, or threaten, or force) their unfaithful spouse to attend couples counseling, everything will be better – their partner will become more honest, cooperative, committed and remorseful… Read More

What Are the “First Five” After an Affair?

couple on bench

Many things have to happen in order for a marriage to overcome an affair or episode of broken trust. It can be a long, confusing and painful experience.  There will be days that you feel hopeful, and nights that are full of doubt. It is rarely a straight path, and there is no guarantee it… Read More

My Husband “Can’t Decide” Between Me and His Mistress

couple on couch unhappy

I hear this kind of thing all the time: “We’ve been married for fifteen years, but I recently discovered my husband is having an affair with our daughter’s swim coach. He thinks he loves her. When I asked him to end the affair, he refused and said he “couldn’t decide” which one of us he… Read More

Should I Contact My Spouse’s Affair Partner?

wife confronting the other woman

It’s something I hear all the time from my clients: “My spouse is having (or had) an affair.  Should I contact the Other Man / Other Woman?”  My short answer is this: Nooooo!!!!  Don’t do it!  Easier said than done, right? If you don’t know who the other woman or man is, you may be painfully… Read More

10 Things Your Cheating Spouse Doesn’t Want You to Know

man in bed

Finding out that your husband or wife has been unfaithful isn’t just a time of profound heartbreak and shock, it’s also a time of intense confusion.  There are so many unanswered questions and so many overwhelming emotions. Most unfaithful partners are deeply committed to saving their marriage.  They are honest, forthcoming with information and willing… Read More